Llama Drama!

After years of bickering back and forth, the drama sizzling up in Inca Empire finally boiled over this weekend in an epic showdown (with some saucy subtweets) between Atahualpa and…Francisco Pizarro?! Weird, huh? In case you missed all that hot gossip from down south, come check out our summary below.

Handles List:

Day One: Clash of Clans

June 26, 1524

@DEADWARRIORTYPING: I. Love. My. People. My land. And. My. Sons.

@YOURNEXT1NCA: @DEADWARRIORTYPING Tayta, you don’t have to put a period after every sentence. Oh Inti, this is so embarrassing. How am I supposed to lead if you keep ruining our legacy like this? Strong leaders know how to use the Oxford comma.

@DA_REALE$T_INTI: @YOURNEXT1NCA You? Lead? What you gon lead? A Llama? Nah fam, I got this.

@YOURNEXT1NCA: @DA_REALE$T_INTI Well, according to the polls, the people LOVE me. So, checkmate.

@DA_REALE$T_INTI: @YOURNEXT1NCA Well according to this glock they BOW to me.

@REALESTCONQUISTADOR1: @DA_REALE$T_INTI @YOURNEXT1NCA Ooooh things are heating up in the Inca fandom 🍿🍿🍿

Day Two: End of an Era

June 28, 1524

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@YOURNEXT1NCA: it is with heavy hearts that my family and I share that our dear Inca, Huayna Capac, a most wise and fierce warrior has passed away. We are all taken aback by such tragedy and ask that you find his spirit in you and stay strong during these trying times. A small memorial will be held tonight in the capital of Cusco. We welcome all travelers from Chinchaysuyu, Antisuyu, Collasuyu, and Cuntisuyu to partake in this ceremony as we prepare for a much larger funeral.

@DA_REALE$T_INTI: Hey! I’m Inca now! Party in Quitoooooo! #rip #dad #party #on

@HAPSBURGBABY: @REALESTCONQUISTADOR1 are you thinking what I’m thinking?

@REALESTCONQUISTADOR1: @HAPSBURGBABY Hell yeah bruh! Let’s take over Biru a-la-Cortes style!

@HAPSBURGBABY: @REALESTCONQUISTADOR1 Biru?

@REALESTCONQUISTADOR1: @HAPSBURGBABY Yeah that’s the name of the tribe here

@HAPSBURGBABY: @REALESTCONQUISTADOR1 I don’t like it

@REALESTCONQUISTADOR1: @HAPSBURGBABY ???

@HAPSBURGBABY: @REALESTCONQUISTADOR1 Peru sounds so much better

@REALESTCONQUISTADOR1: @HAPSBURGBABY As long as I get my bag I’m Gucci

@YOURNEXT1NCA: @REALESTCONQUISTADOR1 What’s Gucci?

@REALESTCONQUISTADOR1: @YOURNEXT1NCA Just this artisanal friend of ours but you wouldn’t know him he’s from Italy

@DA_REALE$T_INTI: @REALESTCONQUISTADOR1 Italy?

@REALESTCONQUISTADOR1: @DA_REALE$T_INTI @YOURNEXT1NCA Don’t y’all have an empire to run or sumn

@YOURNEXT1NCA: @REALESTCONQUISTADOR1 I do not know about the exploits of my brother. But I alone manage the Inca people.

@DA_REALE$T_INTI: @YOURNEXT1NCA Ayo jit square up!!!

@YOURNEXT1NCA: @DA_REALE$T_INTI What?

@DA_REALE$T_INTI: @YOURNEXT1NCA tired of you dragging my name through the mud neva acknowledging what I done did for this land the blood sweat and tears I put into building da best crew the world layed dey eyes on!!!!! me and my bys we bosses we beasts outchea

@REALESTCONQUISTADOR1: well you’re not wrong about the beasts part

@DA_REALE$T_INTI: @REALESTCONQUISTADOR1 you say sumn paella?

@REALESTCONQUISTADOR1: @DA_REALE$T_INTI nahh just some things I heard around cusco

@DA_REALE$T_INTI: @REALESTCONQUISTADOR1 oh cusco huh? Jus watch me and my boys gon take it @YOURNEXT1NCA

@YOURNEXT1NCA: @DA_REALE$T_INTI I’d like to see you try.

@DA_REALE$T_INTI: @YOURNEXT1NCA ight bet

@QUITOSBEST: @DA_REALE$T_INTI I gotchu fam! We in this togetha

Day Three: Atahualpa Wins!!!

January 19, 1532

@YOURNEXT1NCA: @DA_REALE$T_INTI You took it!

@DA_REALE$T_INTI: @YOURNEXT1NCA Yea I did and pretty boy @REALESTCONQUISTADOR1 don’t think you so slick my homie spot yall sneaking around this new “San Miguel” and jus so we don’t have any issues ima send him to you aight? Nun much jus a lil supper yk?? Some chicha with a bit of stuffed duck.

@REALESTCONQUISTADOR1: @DA_REALE$T_INTI jajaja that’s perfectly okay with me. Just don’t wanna Huascar’d.

@YOURNEXT1NCA: @REALESTCONQUISTADOR1 @DA_REALE$T_INTI It’s not funny.

@DESOTOS_POTO: @YOURNEXT1NCA I mean it’s kind of funny.

@YOURNEXT1NCA: @DESOTOS_POTO Don’t you have mamaconas to steal?

@REALESTCONQUISTADOR1: @YOURNEXT1NCA Was that supposed to be a comeback?

@DESOTOS_POTO: @YOURNEXT1NCA That’s why yo ass got MOLLYWHOPPED!

@DA_REALE$T_INTI: @REALESTCONQUISTADOR1 @DESOTOS_POTO See dat wut I love about yall small lung dudes ay ima be down south ina bit FP you should come by my place we got food, money, and hunnies

@REALESTCONQUISTADOR1: @DA_REALE$T_INTI oh most definitely! count me in. I can always go for some chicha

Day 4: Colonizers Steal Piura???

September 14, 1532

@REALESTCONQUISTADOR1: Just colonizer things 🤪 🤪 🤪

Day Five: Uh-Oh! Trouble in Paradise

November 15, 1532

@DA_REALE$T_INTI: yall believe this fool sent deez wack lil dudes to talk to me! ME! Nahh I aint wit it

@DESOTOS_POTO: @REALESTCONQUISTADOR1 this man thinks too much of himself. How is not gonna talk to me? I’m literally your right hand man. I can handle business!

@MYCOUSINISFAMOUS: @DESOTOS_POTO He doesn’t seem too bad

@DESOTOS_POTO: @MYCOUSINISFAMOUS …

@MYCOUSINISFAMOUS: @DESOTOS_POTO what?

@DESOTOS_POTO: @MYCOUSINISFAMOUS we’ll talk at camp

Day Six: On God They Beefin’

November 16, 1532

@THYHOLINESS: @HAPSBURGBABY @REALESTCONQUISTADOR1 @DESOTOS_POTO we must stop this madness?!?!?! You know what he did to the Requirement? He slammed it into the unholy dirt of this forsaken place. Our holy laws! He had disrespected me, the Church, and God.

@YOURNEXT1NCA: @THYHOLINESS @HAPSBURGBABY @REALESTCONQUISTADOR1 @DESOTOS_POTO ooooooh I detect a hint of animosity.

@REALESTCONQUISTADOR1: Atahualpa! Watch ya back.

@DA_REALE$T_INTI: @REALESTCONQUISTADOR1 annnnd whatcha gon do nuh-ting! We outnumba yall you on our land rememba dat

DAY SEVEN: Bruised Egos

November 17, 1532

@DA_REALE$T_INTI: @REALESTCONQUISTADOR1 hey I think we should set aside deez differeneces ya know werk together as long I can murk my brother and be free I’ll help yall lead da army you know im good for it

@REALESTCONQUISTADOR1: @DA_REALE$T_INTI No❤️

Works Cited

1. Ancient History Encyclopedia. “Inca Warfare Timeline.” Ancient History Encyclopedia, Ancient History Encyclopedia, www.ancient.eu/timeline/Inca_Warfare/.
2. Cartwright, Mark. “Pizarro & the Fall of the Inca Empire.” Ancient History Encyclopedia, Ancient History Encyclopedia, 1 July 2016, www.ancient.eu/article/915/pizarro–the-fall-of-the-inca-empire/.
3. Starn, Orin, and Robin Kirk, editors. “Conquest and Colonial Rule.” The Peru Reader: History, Culture, Politics, by Degregori Carlos Iván., Second ed., Duke University Press, 2005, pp. 93–118.